Today Is Not About Hair...

This is the picture of Rhianna's battered face after the recent altercation with Chris Brown. I tried very hard to stay away from this topic or take sides until we heard the whole story. But, this picture right here, speaks volumes and have left me speechless and extremely disturbed. So disturbed that I am unable to post today.

When I logged on this morning, I had my posts all lined up ready to go, but was stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this photo. I could not shake it or ignore it. See, I don't talk about this much...but I am a survivor of domestic violence. My boyfriend at the time and I were right about Rhianna's and Chris' age when it first begin. At first, I was in disbelief, then I turned it to making excuses for him because I thought he loved me. So, I went back over and over and over. So many times, that one of the police officers who responded to my apartment on a number occasions had personally given me his pager number so that I can page him any time. Being young and naive, I thought it would stop but it never did until I was faced with defending my life. So I told my parents about what was going on and eventually left.

See there is NO excuse for domestic violence. And from experience, it doesn't get better. No matter how many time he say sorry. So if there is anyone out there who is experiencing abuse, please get help, speak to your family friends, leave and DO Not turn back. It is not worth it today it's your face, tomorrow it's your life. Once a man hits once, he will do it again, and again until he can't anymore...

Here's a link to The Nation Domestic Abuse Hotline
13 Responses:

I also wanted to get all the details. It's not my life or the life of anyone I know. So I choose not to jump in with both feet like many others did. I sat back and waited for the whole story.

Wrong is wrong and Rihanna's face in that photo is wrong. However, look at Bobby and Whitney. Ike and Tina. Women won't leave until they get tired of the situation. And as random people it's not our place to try to convince her using media. Hopefully her family can reach her before it's too late.

I want to call you but I can't. I'm glad you left. I have a story too but I hate to think about it and a I really have never talked about it outside of my family. I'm glad it's over. I hope other women get the message. It's so not worth it.

UC, I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced this. I had an aunt who went thru the same thing w/a husband. It was so bad that she miscarried a male child after a beating. This photo and the reality of what happened to Rihanna and other women breaks my heart. My prayers are with her and other victims of abuse.

Great post girl, thanks for sharing your story... I'm glad that you're able to inspire others in similar situations. Stay blessed!

Thank you so much for your honesty and your vulnerability. So many women especially our brown women, dont talk about abuse nor do they seek help for it. While I was not a victim of physical abuse I was a victim of emotional and verbal abuse from my ex boyfriend. I think it needs to be an open dialogue within our community young and old because when we can openly identify and discuss what is happening behind close doors more women in our community can seek the help they need and not be embarrassed or ashamed. Again I thank you for your openness on your past history of domestic abuse and I hope that will be the start of dialogue for other sistas to come to grips with their own situations and get help. Blessings my sistas.

Wow...this is crazy. I had really, really been hoping that this whole this was over hyped, like maybe he had just threatened her(which is still horrible, but it's not actually putting his hands on her.), but this I really don't understand how as a man (or a woman, for that matter) you can get so angry at someone that you actually beat them like this. It's really mind boggling. Seriously, if someone is making you that mad, why not get away from them, go seek counseling, or something.....this is crazy. I really hope that Rihanna takes this horrible situation and turns it into something positive, by speaking out against domestic violence, so maybe some of these other young women in this situation will find the strength to leave. I mean, celebrities are spokespeople for everything else, make-up, drinks, and so forth. Hopefully she will step forward and use her celebrity influence for good.

oh my goodness...

I'm so sorry to hear that you went through such a traumatic situation, and so happy for you that you got out. I'm still in shock over this whole Chris Brown/Rihanna situation. How could such a promising young dude do this to someone he supposedly cares about? Shoot, to anyone? And to think he spoke out about the abuse his mother faced because of his stepmother... it's very tragic. I only hope that in some way this raises the profile of domestic abuse so that women who suffer from it can get the help and protection that they need.

Thanks for commenting on this. I know because they are celebrities there is a lot of hype. The real issue though is that he hit her and that is wrong. Talking to my friends about this situation, I cannot believe some of them saying wow, I wonder what she did! It does not matter, no one have the right to hit you for any reason. It's kinda like saying if you get murdered there must be a reason, you must have done something. Hitting anyone is wrong and this is so wrong, not because it's Rihanna abuse is abuse and it is wrong!

Thank you for your post. This is sad to hear, but using your past to inspire those in the present is surely a blessing. This is something my mother and grandmother have gone through and this post touched me.

I really feel for her. Women in my family have been abused by their husbands and I always told myself that I'd never let it happen to me.

I just hate that the pic was released on her b-day.

I hope she leaves him. Considering what her face looks like, her life may depend on it.

Thanks so much for being brave enough to talk about your experiences with abuse. Abuse, be it physical, verbal, emotional, happens too much and women (esp. women of color) are told to keep quiet about it and put the blame on themselves. I'm glad you got out of that situation.

This photo makes me want to cry. I hope that if something, anything good can come from what's still a sad, ongoing story, is that we start having open and honest communication about abuse in all its forms and try to figure out what makes a person resort to physical violence against someone they supposedly care about.

Thanks for this.

Hey UC! thanks for sharing your past experience and I am sorry that you had to go throught it. However, I am sure that it made you a stronger woman and I bet you dont put up with anyones BS. :) And for those who are in abusive relationships, get out before its too late. My cousin tried to get out of hers and her bf killed her...left behind 5 kids. So please get help if you need it and Rihanna is in my prayers

A special thank you for expressing your concern. This happened to me over a decade ago and to be honest, in a wierd way-I am glad that it did. Because of that experience, I walk through life with a different approach and your right Kat, I am no nonsense but at the same time I am very peaceful.

Thanks again!

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