Sistahhhh, you been on my mind...

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"Oh Sistahhhhh, we’re two of a kind sooo…sistahhhh, I’m keeping my eye on you…"

In the past few days, I’ve been noticing articles, Facebook updates, emails and conversations about women, particularly black women, and our love/hate relationships with each other. I feel particularly engaged by this subject because I'm a firm believer that women need to support each other in order to reach our full potential. I would go crazy without my girls! Who understands the headwinds we face each day better than another woman? The tension between women comes from the damaged self-image we have that tells that we should feel threatened by anyone who has something we don't have. Instead of looking at each other and seeing ourselves, we look at each other and see what we are not. And just like that, in the flash of a side eye, judgment is passed: "She thinks she’s cute" / "She’s ghetto" /"She’s weird" /"She’s a hoe" /"She's stuck up" . We look for flaws in other women to make us feel better about ourselves. We believe the hype that most women are dishonorable and can’t be trusted. We try to avoid hate by hating.

Here comes the conspiracy theory: I think this miseducation is a strategic plot against us. Why should I hate my sister? Is she not made of the same stuff that I am? Why should I cancel her out and write her off? So we can be weakened and divided by fear, that's why. If just one of us is able to disassociate from the fear stories that tell us we should judge each other in order to feel safe, then that one person can start spreading a new attitude and enhance the unity of the whole group.

Some women have been so traumatized by toxic female relationships that they won't even speak to you or look you in the face. I walk past these women on the street and in the hallways and I smile in the face of their fear. I try to see through the armor. My blues are like yours. My tears come from the same kind of pain. The stories and the characters are different, but the search for joy and fulfillment is the same as mine. Instead of writing these women off, I wonder what they've encountered in their lives to make them afraid of their own reflection. I'm not saying that I need to make friends with every woman I encounter, but I do need to share some positive energy even if it's just a smile or a hello.

We can begin to heal by loving each other as God loves us. We can compliment each other. We can reach out and support the new girl at the job instead of feeling threatened by her. We can put aside our judgments and our ideas of good and bad, especially as a measurement of how to treat people. We can feel proud of a beautiful woman walking past us on the street with class and grace instead of assuming that she thinks she's better than us. We can pray for the woman who spreads rumors about us. We can show each other respect and kindness regardless of social status, sexual orientation or occupation. We can overcome the stereotype that women can't get along. We can learn to encourage, strengthen, and nurture each other.

The more I love and accept myself, the more I am able to love and accept ALL my sisters. Unique and beautiful, talented and strong...when one of us succeeds, we all succeed.

"I’m somethin….I hope you think that you’re somethin too…"

GG is a contributing writer for Urbancurlz. She is also the editor of The Write Curl Diary and Peace Love and Pretty Things.
7 Responses:

I've noticed this has been a constant topic as of late. I think it is one-sided. This is not my experience, but then again I don't hang out with women who behave like this. I don't frequent places where people pose and are catty with each other. I'd like to think that my experience is typical and any name calling, eye-rolling behavior is stereotypical.

I knew this post "sounded" like GG! Love her blog >>PLPT.

I think I have built up a barrier around me trying so hard to keep the bad females out, that I can't allow a good female to be a friend. I have maybe 2 females that I consider good friends. (Well really 1 now) And I so want that to change. I want to have friends that I can go shopping with, do lunch with, take weekend get-aways with... but I dont.

Besides being cordial by speaking to other females, what else should I do?? I find it hard to find people that can actualy relate to me...other than the friends that live in my computer ;-)

Obviously I can't go around wearing a sign that says BEFRIEND ME! LOL

This comment has been removed by the author.

I really like this post A LOT! is it ok if I copy and paste it as a note on facebook to show my friends and other people i see on a daily basis, i think it would help a lot of us women/girls realize that we dont need to be so judgmental and hatred to other woman, because of our own insecurities. I would also say who it was written by thanks!

@Naturally Sophia - I think that you attract the vibe that you give off, so the fact that you don't have many issues with catty women probably reflects that you are a positive person and positive people are drawn to you.
@Brandiss - Thanks for the love chica! Friendship is definitely not something that you can force. It's best to have a small circle of friends (even if it's just two) that you are very very close to, and then have an extended network that you can relate to, hang out with, but maybe not tell all of your business know? I would just suggest that you be outgoing and open. If you think you have a barrier up, then people probably sense that.
@Antiguan Princess - Glad you can relate! Hope your friends do too. Please include a link to this post on or to

nice post. very interesting topic.

I find that women on whole can be very negative creatures. I see males interacting everywhere: in and out of the workplace and they are able to be genuine and civil with each other.

i believe the author when she alludes to the cause being rooted in self esteem issues. But I hope that we can start moving past that and see each other as individuals. Get to know me, you may like what you find. Each woman is a potential friend :)

Group hug!

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